


A Destiel Christmas Calendar

by Hekate1308



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Homeless!Castiel, M/M, Teacher!Dean, christmas calendar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-09 13:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 17,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12888516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekate1308/pseuds/Hekate1308
Summary: Dean Winchester doesn’t know who the homeless guy who broke into the Impala to keep warm happens to be, but he does know one thing: He won’t leave him on the streets. Daily updates.





	1. Chapter 1

He has no choice. Otherwise he’d never think of breaking into anyone’s property.

But it is so very cold, and he’s not certain whether he might be in the first stage of hypothermia or not.

He needs some place to warm up.

Castiel has no idea why he chooses the black old-timer of all the cars in the street. If anything, it’s going to be less comfortable than the Volkswagen just a few feet next to it. Yet he does.

And there is something comforting about this car, something that makes it almost feel like home, something he cannot quite place.

He curls up on the backseat and goes to sleep.

Dean and his Baby have been through many things together, but he still thinks the quite obviously homeless guy asleep on the backseat takes the cake.

He could just throw the door wide open and demand an explanation, but the man is only wearing jeans and t-shirt, for crying out loud. In December.

He knocks on the glass.

The guy’s eyes blink open and Dean’s taken aback by how blue they are. He’s immediately distracted, however, because in a matter of second, the sleepy expression morphs into one of utter panic and he’s scrambling out of the car.

“I’m so sorry… Please don’t call the police” he pants.

Dean shakes his head. “Relax. I wasn’t gonna call the police anyway.” If he wanted to do anything worse than getting a place to sleep, Dean’s rather sure he would have stolen his Impala ion the first place.

He nods gratefully. “Thank you. I’ll just – “

He’s about to scramble away when Dean grabs his arm. “Hey. Wait a moment.”

He flinches.

Dean clears his throat. “Don’t take this the wrong way… But wanna get breakfast?”

The man squints and tilts his head to the side. “Why would you want to purchase a meal for me?”

“Because you’re evidently down on your luck and I’m nice?” he offers, not surprised by the reaction. Probably a result of his working with teenagers.

Finally, he nods, but more resigned than anything else.

Dean smiles, tries to lighten the mood. “I’m Dean. What’s your name?”

At first, he doesn’t say anything, and Dean’s about to despair when he finally answers, “Castiel.”

“Like… the angel?”

Now it’s the man’s turn to look confused. “You know?”

Dean shrugs. “Yeah. What can I say? I’m into etymology. Comes with being an English and History teacher.”

Castiel studies him before nodding, whether he is accepting his offer or his explanation, Dean doesn’t know until he says, “Alright.”

Dean decides to take him to Benny’s, even though he technically doesn’t have the time. Oh well. He substitutes for others so often he’s sure the school can find someone to mind the kids for an hour and so he sends a text to Charlie, their tech wizard who’s sure to fix everything within ten minutes.

As soon as they stroll into the diner, Benny comes over. “Good morning, brother. Didn’t expect to see you today.”

“Hi Benny. Yeah, me neither. The universe had other plans, it seems.”

Benny knows him well enough not to react to Castiel. He just nods and leads them to a table.

“You know the waiter?” Castiel asks as soon as he’s left them.

“The owner. Yeah, we’ve been friends for a while.”

When he doesn’t answer, Dean continues, “Look, I know you probably don’t want to be a freeloader, but order whatever you want. It’s on me, you hear?”

“You’re kind” Cas says suddenly, looking right into his eyes. “I don’t meet many kind people.”

Dean doesn’t know how to answer. They are still staring at one another when Benny comes to take their orders.

He’s not surprised when Castiel orders more pancakes than Dean thinks even he could put away in one setting.

“Been a while, hm?”

“I can’t remember when I had them the last time” he admits and Dean swallows.

“Say, what were you doing in my car anyway? I’m not angry, but the shelter’s only a few streets away.”

“They were full” he replies, digging into his meal. “I wanted to spend the night in the park, but it was too cold.”

“You can say that again. It was freezing last night.”

Castiel looks down on his plate. “There was nowhere else for me to go.”

And Dean imagines it, being lost in a dark night with no one in town ready to help. “You can stay with me.” The offer escapes him before he’s thought it through.

Castiel’s head rises up. “What?”

“I said” he explains, trying to sound casual, “That I have a spare bedroom in my house and no reason not to help out someone in need. You can stay with me, if you want.”

And then they are once again lost in each other’s eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

“Benny, no offense, but why are you standing here staring into the diner like some kind of stalker?“ his cousin and co-owner Elizabeth asks. He shakes his head.

“Just checking up on Dean.”

“Wouldn’t it be more practical to do that while talking to him?”

“Not this time. He brought a homeless guy here.”

She doesn’t even bat an eye. After all, this is Dean they are speaking of. “Does that really surprise you?”

“Not at all. Hell, God knows where I would have ended up if he hadn’t brought me back to the straight and narrow. I just don’t want anyone taking advantage of him, that’s all.”

Her expression softens. “I know. But for now, all we know is that Dean’s being nice to someone in need.”

He nods. “They stare at each other a lot, though.”

“It’s Dean; I stare at him a lot.”

Benny mock-glares at her. She shrugs her shoulder. “All I’m saying is wait and see.”

Benny nods.

* * *

After he doesn’t know how long, Castiel clears his throat. “Dean, this is very generous of your but… I can’t accept.”

“Oh.” Dean’s face falls, and Castiel immediately feels guilty for ever having put that look there. He brightens up again soon, however. “Ah, I see. You really don’t have to worry about me; I promise I’m indeed a teacher, and in case you are looking for a reference, Benny would surely – “

“No, Dean, that’s not – I don’t deserve your kindness. The only reason I am here is because I broke into your car.”

“To keep warm, and quite frankly, for breaking and entering you took good care of her – there’s not a scratch on the lock.”

Castiel flinches, as always when he’s being reminded of the skills he’s head to learn just to survive on the street.

“Hey, I meant it. No harm done.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

Dean looks at him, then answers, “Because I know what it feels like the whole world’s up against you and still fight the good fight.”

When he doesn’t answer, Dean sighs and throws a few bills on the table. “Look, I won’t force you. It’s your call. You know where I live, I was parking right in front of my house. Whenever you want to take the offer, feel free to do so. Goodbye, Castiel.”

With these words he leaves, and Castiel remains for a few minutes longer, unsure whether he should feel relieved or just make a big mistake.

* * *

That night at ten pm, he decides it was a big mistake after all. It feels even colder than yesterday, there’s no place to find at the shelter, and all he has is his thin jacket and his backpack.

And yet he still doesn’t realize where he’s walking until he comes to stand in front of Dean’s place.

He should leave. His offer was clearly spontaneous because he felt bad at the moment, he surely doesn’t expect him to –

The door opens. “Are you going to come in or do you want to wait until you freeze unto the pavement?”

Cas swallows, gripping the handle of his backpack even harder than before. “I – I – “

“Come on, you’re turning blue. Get in.”

He does. Dean takes his backpack out of his hands and puts it done in the hallway. Normally, anyone who dares touch it ends up with a black eye at least – much as Castiel wishes he could avoid those fights – but it seems he’s hopeless when it comes to Dean Winchester.

“I’d say a warm bath is in order… Don’t worry, you can lock the door if you want.”

He was careful to school his feature, he’s sure, so how did Dean know the thought of getting naked in a strange house made him feel uncomfortable? It’s ironic really; he hasn’t had a home in over two years, and yet he still clings to the illusion now and then.

“Bathroom’s upstairs.”

Dean shows him the door. “Feel free to use my soap, bubble bath and shampoo all you want. I’ll try and find you some clothes to wear. My stuff will probably look a bit big on you, but I suppose you can deal with that?”

Castiel nods.

“Good, then. Make yourself at home.”

He can’t remember when he last had a warm bath, and fifteen minutes later, he sinks into the warm water with a sigh. He didn’t quite have to courage to go for a bubble bath, the soap and shampoo are enough for him as he scrubs himself clean.

Dean’s being incredibly kind to him. Castiel idly wonders if he will ask for a favour later on; it wouldn’t be the first time he’s had such encounters; but he’s much too relaxed to worry about it now.

Soon afterwards, against his best intentions, his eyes drift shut and he dozes off.


	3. Chapter 3

A knock on the door wakes him. “Cas? You alright?”

Cas? Where did that come from?

He gets out of the tub quickly, realizing the water has cooled down quite a bit; Dean let him soak for a while, it seems. He feels cleaner than he has in months. “Yes, my apologies. It appears I drifted off.”

“Small wonder. Dinner will be ready soon, if you want to join me – you can of course eat in your room too. I’m leaving the clothes outside; T-shirts, sweat pants and socks for now, but it’s all I could do, I’m afraid.”

It’s still more than anyone has done for him in a long time. When he opens the door, Dean’s already gone. He dresses quickly. The clothes are obviously well-loved, comfort garments; the t-shirt bears a faded _Led Zeppelin_ logo and Castiel smiles as he takes in his mirror image. Jimmy loved their songs –

As always, he cuts the thought short. Thinking of Jimmy hurts. Thinking of _anyone_ hurts.

Dean’s still cooking when he arrives at the kitchen. He hasn’t heard Castiel enter, and he takes a few stolen moment to appreciate the handsome teacher as he softly hums to himself. In the next second, he chastises himself for it.

“Hello, Dean.”

The teacher jumps and turns around. “Man, Cas, warn a guy, will you?”

Again, Cas. No one has ever called him Cas before. His family only ever used Castiel – well, except for the times Balthazar and Gabriel would tease him and call him Cassie.

“I made spaghetti. Figured everyone likes that.”

It has been so long he has almost forgotten what they taste like, but he nods. “I do.”

Dean beams. “Great.”

As they eat – it tastes delicious, Dean’s a good cook – Castiel becomes aware that he should probably say something. Initiating a conversation would only be polite, right? Jimmy always said he didn’t have any social skills...

“You said you were a teacher. English and History, right?” he tries. Talking about Dean’s work seems a safe topic to him.

“Yeah. Never thought I had the brain for it when I was younger, to be honest, but my little brother and our uncle would not let me drop out of school.”

“And you like your work?”

“I love it. The kids are great, if sometimes annoying – hell, we have all been through puberty, right? And I get to share what I love with the younger generation.”

He snorts against his will. “You don’t look that old.”

Dean grins. “I’ll be thirty next month.”

“I turned thirty this year.”

Saying it out loud feels strange after having no one to even celebrate his birthday with for a while.

“Huh. Thought you looked young under the dirt.”

He looks away. “Hey” Dean gently touches his elbow; to his own surprise, Castiel doesn’t flinch. “I didn’t mean to offend you. Trust me; you’re plenty worth looking at.”

Castiel is glad he is still looking away so Dean can’t see him blushing. Dean is extraordinary handsome himself.

“Just last week one of my classes started reading Slaughterhouse-Five. Can’t wait what they think of it.”

“You like Vonnegut?”

“He’s the best, although I will admit _Timequake_ is a bit of a downfall based on the premise.”

“I think so too. I have actually wondered if the first book Vonnegut worked on for years, the one he eventually shreddered, might have been truer to his intentions.”

“You read it?”

“I have read most of his work. I love reading.”

Dean grins. “So, _Breakfast for Champions_. What do you think of Kilgore Trout’s plea at the end?”

“I find it more interesting that Vonnegut doesn’t grant him his wish...”

Before Castiel knows it, they have finished dinner but are still talking about books. Dean is well-read even for an English teacher.

“Seriously, our librarian has to remind me often enough that I have to leave some books to the pupils” he laughs. “But of course I immediately borrowed _To Kill A Mockingbird_ once it was back on our shelves to make a point.”

“Was it ever pilled off the shelves?”

“Our principal was worried it would make people uncomfortable.”

Castiel stares at him. “He’s aware that this is the point of the book, right?”

“Told him that, had no effect. Don’t worry; we have a new principal now, and the first thing I did was march into his office and demand we get rid of this awful index. Crowley agreed with me immediately, thank God. No idea what I would have done if he didn’t.”

“You could always have hidden the books in the library and hoped a student found them.”

Dean laughs, loud and happy. “Yes, I suppose I could have.”

It’s the first evening in a long time that Castiel feels utterly and completely happy.

 


	4. Chapter 4

“There it is” Dean announces with flourish, “your new home, for as long as you wish.”

After dinner, he saw it fit to show Cas his new room personally, and he wasn’t able to find any objection, but now, standing next to the most beautiful man he has ever seen as he excitedly shows him his new abode, he doesn’t know how to react. It’s more than he’s had in a long time, more than  he ever though he’d have again, and he can’t find the words to express his gratitude.

They were right, he’s weak, he’s –

“Hey” Dean touches his shoulder. “I get it. And I know it can’t have been easy for you. I just want you to know that... you can stay here as long as you need to get back on your feet. I mean it.”

“Thank you” he finally forces out, his throat tight, looking away from Dean.

“You’re welcome. Just get some rest in a real bed for a change, alright?”

Dean leaves him with that, the well-meant wishes of a – a friend, but Cas already knows he won’t get much sleep. He would have been indebted the anyone who helped him for the rest of his life, but the fact that Dean is – he is –

Castiel has not often experienced attraction in his life. He’s always been too weird, too quiet for that kind of thing. But Dean Winchester makes him want. Dean Winchester makes him _desire_. And he can’t allow it. Dean is just helping him back on his feet, as he said he would, and this can’t go anywhere.

Despite Castiel’s fears that he sleep won’t come easily, the bed wins. Thirty minutes after he lay down, he’s dead to the world.

* * *

 

 After his return to the living room, Dean takes a deep breath and dials his brother’s number. It’s time Sammy hears what’s going on.

“Dean?”

“Hi Sammy” he grins, as always relaxing just from hearing his brother’s voice. “How is my soon-to-be attorney?”

“I still fail to see why you would need a personal one” Sam teases him, “unless you’re secretly running a teacher mob.”

“What can I say? The homework I get would be enough to drive anyone insane.”

Sam laughs. “No offense, but why are you calling me at this time of the day? You know I study at night, so you’d never call me unless there was something – “

“I – kind of met a homeless guy and invited him to live with me” he rushes out.

Sam’s silent for a moment. Then, he says, “I assume he’s decent.”

“He is. I actually met him when he broke into the Impala – “

“He did what? And he’s still alive?”

“It was freezing. He was trying to survive, and he was careful – didn’t even leave a scratch on her. I decided someone who is kind enough to do that deserved a second chance.”

“Of course it would be about your car. Dean... it’s not that I don’t trust you, you know that. I am just asking you to be careful.”

“I am. All I’m doing is helping a guy get back on his feet. He hasn’t exactly had it easy, by the looks of him.”

“They usually haven’t” Sam replies. “But please promise me you’ll look out for yourself too, alright?”

“Sure thing. And at least I have you to call if anything goes bad.”

Not that he expects it too. If dinner showed him anything, it’s that Cas seems to be a decent guest.

Eventually, he wishes his brother good night and hangs up. Time to get some sleep.

It doesn’t come easy. There is just something about having someone else in the house again after several months of living alone; almost like a whisper in the air. He’s pretty sure Cas is out cold by now, otherwise he’d be aware of another consciousness.

Dean can remember it very well, waking up at night and knowing Dad was up and drinking, just because the house felt like it.

But Cas isn’t Dad, and he isn’t Sammy, either. He’s a man Dean knows nothing about and who he nonetheless took into his home.

For breaking into his car.

Maybe he is a little insane. Wouldn’t surprise him, considering how he and Sammy grew up.

But then, it is the Christmas season, and if this helps making the world a better place, giving one poor guy a home, then  it’s worth it.

Dean smiles to himself as sleep finally comes to claim him. Yes, he has no idea who Cas is, and he could easily murder him in his sleep, but the fact is, Dean trusts him, already trusts him enough to give him a room and let him stay.

Maybe some things don’t need to be explained is his last clear thought before drifting off.


	5. Chapter 5

When he gets up, Dean is already preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Castiel truly doesn’t deserve the kindness he’s being shown.

“Morning, Cas. Sleep well?”

He’s slept better than he has in years, finally safe and warm again, but he can’t out it into words, so he just nods.

Dean grins. “Great. Hope you like bacon?”

Another luxury he hasn’t tasted in what feels like a lifetime. And it tastes great, too; Castiel decides that, if Dean should ever grow tired of teaching, he’d make a good chef.

Then again, he has been dumpster diving quite a lot recently, so who is he to judge.

“I’ll be off to work in about half an hour” Dean informs, “Are you alright with staying here? Feel free to turn on the TV or grab any book you want.”

“Thank you” he says, once again feeling that he’ll never be able to repay the beautiful man who took him in for no other reason than he broke into his car.

“Don’t have to thank me for every little thing, Cas” he says casually.

Castiel shakes his head. “The way I have lived... every little thing is very dear to me.”

He waits for Dean to get uncomfortable. His family usually did when he was too honest. But he just nods as if he understands. “Alright then, I’ll be off soon.”

It shouldn’t be this easy, Castiel thinks. He shouldn’t just fit into Dean’s life like a missing piece, their conversation friendly and easygoing, Dean not being worried about leaving him alone amidst all his possessions. It shouldn’t be this easy.

But it is. 

* * *

 

Dean knows he should be a bit more wary of Castiel. Homeless guy being left alone in someone else’s house? If it were Dean himself, he’d grab anything he got his fingers on and make a run for it, but somehow he trusts Castiel not to.

He looks forward to work. It will give him time to wrap his head around it all. Truth be told, he’s still a bit surprised at himself.

As soon as he enters the school the IT teacher, Charlie Bradbury, comes bouncing towards him, as happy as ever.

“Dean!”

“Hello my Queen. How are we today?”

She lights slaps his arm, grinning. “Hey, I am trying to keep my secret identity exactly that – a secret. Don’t let the kiddies hear you.”

“I bow before your wisdom and vow to do better.”

“You’re in a good mood this morning” she observes. “What gives?”

He shrugs. “No reason.”

“Come on, Winchester, I know you better than that. Is there someone knew in your life?”

Dean swallows. He knows exactly what Charlie means, and it’s not a good idea to think of Cas in this context. He’s hot, but he also desperately needs help, and Dean doesn’t want him to think he’s obliged to act in a certain way towards him.

“Yes, but not in the way you think.”

“What do you mean?”

He tells her because she’d find out anyway.

When he’s done, she shakes her head. “Only you would find a homeless man in the car you love to bits and take him home with you.”

“I didn’t, I just offered him a place to stay. I’m sure many others would have done the same.”

“You never realize just how good you are” she sighs. “It makes for an awesome character flaw in a movie, but I don’t think it’ll help you get far in real life.”

“I’m just trying to help the guy out.”

“What’s his name?”

“Castiel” he says, suddenly becoming aware that he has no idea what his last name is.

“Castiel?”

“It’s an angel name” he explains.

Charlie nods and soon afterwards goes to “do stuff”, which Dean is rather sure means she’ll see what she can find on Castiel. He should probably try and stop her, but he knows it will lead to nothing, and he would lie if he said he wasn’t curious himself. Charlie also knows where to draw the line, so there shouldn’t be a problem.

He gets his usual morning coffee, chatting with Garth, one of the other teachers, and greeting their boss when he shows up for a cup too.

“Sorry, he still gives me the creeps” Garth whispers once Crowley’s gone.

Dean shrugs. “You just have to know how to take him, that’s all. And you have to admit he’s about ten steps above Adler when it comes to principals. Guy would rather have seen the library empty than with even one book that hurt his “moral beliefs”.

He’s about to excuse himself to prepare his first lesson of the day when Charlie shows up, looking rather upset.

“What is – “

She drags him to a corner. “Sorry,  this couldn’t wait. There’s something you have to know.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Charlie, what is it?“ he asks worriedly after she’s dragged him to a corner where no one can hear them. She’s used to finding all kinds of stuff; seeing her like this is unsettling.

“So I checked on your houseguest. Surprise, there’s only one Castiel in the state. Castiel Novak. Born 1987, so that fits with what you told me. Normal life as far as I could tell, valedictorian of his High School class, went to college to study biology.”

“But then – “

“He was twenty-one when all contact with his family ceased, they even reported him missing, but since he made it clear in a letter left behind in his room that he was leaving voluntarily, police couldn’t do anything. “

“He hasn’t mentioned his family – “

“For a good reason. When they were twenty-one, James, Castiel’s twin brother, his wife Amelia, and their baby daughter Claire died in a car accident. Castiel dropped out of college soon afterwards.”

Dean swallows. Losing a sibling – he can’t even imagine something happening to Sammy. And a twin, too.

“So he dropped off the grid?”

She nods. “Until he broke into the car of a good friend of mine.”

“Man” Dean says, shaking his head, “That really sucks. Seems like no one bothered to help him.”

“You do” she says gently.

He shrugs. “I do what I can. Sounds like the guy really had it rough.”

She nods. “I know, but Dean… just be careful, alright? That’s all I ask.”

“Benny and Sam already said the same, don’t worry. Promise I’ll look after myself, okay?”

“You better. I can’t do without my handmaiden.”

He grins and bows. “Your Majesty. Sorry, but I’ve got a class to teach.”

Not just any class, either; it was History, and Ancient Greece at that, one of his favourite topics.

He prided himself on capturing his students’ attention time and time again, and today was no exception. Eventually, Krissy raises her hand. “Sorry if this is inappropriate, but weren’t the Greeks like, super gay?”

He smiles at her, knowing well enough from her being vocal in their GSA meetings that she doesn’t mean to offend anyone. “Actually the scholars are split on that. Because on the one hand, yes, the Ancient Greeks accepted homosexual relationships, but on the other hand, it was common that an older man would choose a younger one as his companion, and that the relationship should end when the younger man grew a beard.”

Thankfully, his students were clever enough to get the distinction.

It was at lunch that he got the idea to call Cas, or rather his own landline. He hasn’t used it in years, but it comes in handy now.

“Winchester residence.”

For some reason, Cas’ formal greeting makes him smile. “Hey, Cas. It’s me. Just checking in.”

“Hello, Dean. I can assure you everything’s well.”

“Good to hear. You entertaining yourself?”

“You have a very interesting collection of books.”

“Thanks. Comes with the job, I’d say.”

“I don’t see why an English teacher would read Voltaire in French.”

Thank God he looked for an abandoned corner to make his phone call, because Dean’s pretty sure he’s blushing. He’s told no one of his dabbling into learning the French language; maybe because he mostly started to learn because… well… the accent is kind of hot, alright? But he quickly got to enjoy it for itself, so now he’s reading Voltaire.

“What can I say? We need to cultivate our garden.”

Cas chuckles. “We do indeed. Not that yours seems to be in any form of disorder.”

“Wait until spring” he says carelessly, only to realize he just implied Cas will still be around then.

They are both silent for a moment until Dean quickly continues, “One of my students asked a question about homosexuality in Ancient Greece tonight and no one made a rude comment. It was great.”

“I am happy the student was interested.”

“Yeah, well… Krissy has been part of GSA for over a year now, so I’m not really surprised.”

“You are involved in the GSA in your school?”

“I run it” he says simply, only for it to be followed by silence. He’s about to say something else when Cas breathes “You make it sound so easy.”

“It should be” he replies honestly.

“Yes” Cas says slowly, “Yes it should.”

“Yeah, well… gotta go, next lesson’s about to start. See you this evening?”

“Yes, see you then.”

They hang up. Dean has the feeling he just missed an opportunity, but of course that’s crazy. He can’t just ask the man about his dead brother over the phone. Or why he’s not in touch with the rest of his family anymore. Or why he found the information about the GSA so interesting.

Nope. Dean isn’t going to wonder about this, he won’t even think of it.

He can do this. He takes a deep breath.

He’s just helping someone out, that is all there is to it.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel hasn’t quite forgotten everything back from his non-homeless days; and so he finds himself cooking while waiting for Dean that evening. He’ll find a way to pay him back, of course; he has no idea how, but he will; but for now, he’s rather certain the teacher will appreciate a well-cooked meal when he comes home.

True, it’s just burgers, but he was always good at making Dean.

“Cas?” Dean calls out when he returns. Again, he wonders why he never corrects him when he uses the nickname. He likes it. Maybe it’s as easy as that.

“In the kitchen” he calls out. How strange, to be able to say that again. He doesn’t think he’s turned on a stove prior to this night in almost a decade.

“This smells amazing!” Dean exclaims as he strolls in, a happy grin on his face, his eyes sparkling.

He’s absolutely mesmerizing.

Cas can’t help but stare, even as he chastises himself for it. Dean is just a good man who wants to help him, and he certainly doesn’t deserve to be ogled because of that.

“I wanted to thank you for – “

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. It’s what anyone would have done.”

“No. Everyone else would have called the police.”

Dean shrugs. “Well, everyone else’s not very charitable then, is it? And so close to Christmas too.”

“It’s not yet... not for another two and a half weeks” he reminds him. Dean grins.

“Even better, gives me enough time to plan out the family party.”

Cas’ heart sinks. Of course Dean will want him gone by then. Not that he had any expectations that this would last longer than a few days at the most.

Dean reaches out and squeezes his shoulder. “With you helping, it will be much easier to prepare all the food” he mentions casually as he looks at the burgers.

Cas’ heart starts beating faster. Dean assumes he’ll still be here at Christmas. That means a few weeks of not wondering whether he’ll freeze, a few weeks in the warmth, a few weeks with good food.

“Dean, I – “ He clears his throat, realizing he doesn’t know what to say. “Would you like a burger?” 

* * *

 

Now he can cook too? That’s just unfair. Who allowed the hot guy to be able to make burgers too?

Dean would almost be offended, if the food weren’t so delicious. “This is awesome! Where did you learn that?”

Cas shrugs. “I experimented a bit when I was in college. It’s not as difficult as the average teenager would like to believe.”

“Don’t I know it” Dean grins. “You should hear the things my pupils complain about but they are teenagers, so who am I too judge? They have it hard enough as it is.”

Cas gives him one of his pleased little smiles and Dean feels even worse for what Charlie told him. Sure, she only meant the best, and it’s not her fault nor Cas’ that the story is so freaking depressing, but he still feels like he shouldn’t know all of this without Castiel telling him.

“Hey, Cas...” he begins uncertainly. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Castiel freezes. Certainly Dean meant it when he talked about cooking for Christmas? HE’s not going to throw him out on a whim, is he?

“It’s nothing bad – that is – I Hope – “ he breaks off, rather frustrated. “Look, there’s no easy way to say this. I have a friend who’s good at finding stuff, and she told me what happened to your brother, and his family, and I’m just – I’m sorry, man.”

Castiel stares at him. He doesn’t like to talk about Jimmy. He doesn’t like to think about Jimmy or Amelia or Claire, because when he does all he can see in front of him is that horrible place he had to go to identify them, feeling like a piece of himself was gone.

“I – “ He takes a deep breath. He can do this. For Dean, he can. “I understand there are newspaper articles available, and my name is rather... unusual. I am not surprised she found... I’m not angry. I just.. I rather wouldn’t talk about it.”

Dean nods. “I get that, man. We all have skeletons in our closets.”

It’s not just skeletons, Cas thinks. It’s nightmares still, after all these years, and the fear of returning to his family to find they have all forgotten about him or were glad he was gone.

“Anyway” Dean begins brightly, “I have to tell you about this class of mine and their lesson in Ancient Greece some more...”

He’s of course not that interested in telling him, Cas knows, just like he isn’t that interested in hearing it. But he’s grateful nonetheless, and listens carefully as they finish their meal.


	8. Chapter 8

While Dean still believes Cas owes him nothing, his gratitude has given him an idea. Sure, giving him a bed and feeding him is nice enough, but if he wants him to get back on his feet to a point where he doesn’t have to break into cars to keep warm, Cas is going to need a job.

And Dean knows for a fact that the school library is understaffed.

Thank God Crowley’s the principal now; he would never have dared ask Adler.

“Ah, look at that, here comes the sun” Crowley drawls as he enters his office one early morning, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Dean grins; he learned early on that flirting is a sure way to get his way. Both Charlie and Garth find the thought unsettling, and to his credit, Crowley only treats Dean like that, and mostly when they are alone. “I assure you, the pleasure’s all mine.”

“But certainly. You are here much too early, so I will assume you want something.”

“How did you guess?”

“Last time I checked it said principal on that door, Squirrel. What is it this time? I assure you not a single book has left the library.”

“It’s about the library, but not in the way you think.”

“Alright, I am intrigued. Continue.”

Dean shuffles his feet despite himself. “I was just wondering... a friend of mine has hit upon rather hard times and...”

“You want me to give one of your “friends” a job in the library.” Crowley’s tone told Dean that he had understood exactly what this “friend” meant to him. He swallows.

“Yeah, that would be nice. He’s smart and polite, I swear.”

“Give me one good reason.”

“I have not given you one bad piece of advice since you started here-“

“Touché Squirrel. I hues we’ll have to wait and see.”

Silence. Dean knows that Crowley can be unpredictable, but he really hopes this is not one of those times.

“Alright then, let’s give him a chance. Mind you, I’m not saying it’s permanent, but...” Crowley trails off and Dean breathes a sigh of relief.

“Thank you, Crowley.”

“That’s sir for you” he chuckles.

“Never, and you know that.”

Yes, things have been looking up since Crowley took over.

Dean all but floats back to his class. Naturally he runs into Charlie.

“Whoa there handmaiden, did we catch some jocks by the bleachers and confiscate whatever they were smoking?”

“No” he replies evenly, “I’m in a good mood, is all.”

Her eyes narrow and he knows he’s in trouble. “This doesn’t have to do with some blue-eyed supporting character with a tragic back story, right?”

“Charlie, you need to go out in the real world sometime.”

“Don’t avoid the question.”

He sighs.”Fine. Crowley said Cas can help out in the library.”

“I’ll never understand why he folds every time you bet your eyes at him.”

“Winchester magic, my friend, nothing else.”

“If you say so...”

IT only occurs to Dean halfway through his first lesson that he has no idea if Cas even wants to work in the library, or for Dean to get him a job, period. Sure, anyone with a brain would say it’s important he earns money, but still. Is he rushing into this? On the other hand, he is already living with the guy; so what could he possibly do that’s more extreme than offer him a place to stay after Cas broke into his car?

No, he tells himself, you are being ridiculous. Cas is already way too thankful for the bed you provided him with, he’s gonna welcome having a job. After all, he must wish to get back on his feet, right? He certainly doesn’t give off a hippie vibe...

Oh God, he can already feel Charlie judging him for assuming people would prefer one lifestyle over another just because it seems improbable to him not to.

He’s just going to offer it to Cas, he decides. If he declines, Dean’s certain he can tell Crowley without any repercussions. 

* * *

 

Castiel can’t help but hate himself a little for the fact that he’s bored when Dean’s at work.

But the truth is – on the street, there’s always something to do; surviving itself is difficult enough. But here, in a comfortable home with a TV and more books than he can count?

He has no idea how he’s supposed to spend the time.

Until Dean calls his own landline, again.

“Hi Cas.”

“Hello, Dean” he says simply, his heart beating faster just from hearing his voice. He shouldn’t feel like this.

“I thought I’d drop in for lunch. I’ll get takeout, don’t worry about it.”

He’d rather cook than do nothing, he thinks, feeling guilty.

“I look forward to seeing you.”

Dean chuckles. “Same here, Cas. See you.”

They hang up soon after.


	9. Chapter 9

“You got me a job?“ Cas asks, clearly shocked.

Dean nods.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? Because I enjoy helping people who deserve it.”

2You don’t even know me” he says softly. Dean shrugs.

“No I don’t, but – I trust you. Don’t you trust me?”

“I – “ Cas breaks off. Because, as weird as it sounds, he does trust Dean. His worry at first – that Dean would ask for some kind of sexual advance in exchange for staying at his house – seems so ridiculous now that he has spent some time with him and come to appreciate what a wonderful man he is. “Yes I do” he finally says softly.

“See? So we’re just gonna roll with that.”

“What kind of job?” he asks.

“We need help at the school library?”

“The school library?” The smile that greets this news is genuine. Castiel has always loved books, has in fact always mourned that he left his behind when he broke off college and went to live on the streets.

Although it was a little more complicated than that, if he’s being honest.

“Yeah. Figured you’d be up for it.”

“How did you – “

“The new principal and I are pretty tight. Took no effort at all.”

Cas suddenly feels something he hasn’t in a long time. Jealousy. What does Dean mean when he says “pretty tight”? Does he mean what Cas thinks he means? Does he actually mean something else, like that they’re close friends? What if they are? What if they aren’t? And why would the principal just give Cas the job if they weren’t –

“Really don’t get why so many of the others don’t like him, he’s alright. Sure he can be a bastard but that’s kind of part of the package” Dean continues, unaware of Cas’ thought process which is on the best way of considering the job offer a warning sign.

“Make sure to behave though, I like my job” Dean jokes then, and Cas relaxes. If they were... if there was something more, Dean wouldn’t make a joke like that, certainly.

And even if – Cas has no right to feel jealous in any way, he knows that. But Dean...

It’s been so long since Cas has had anyone in his life, even on a semi-permanent basis, but Dean came to him and offered him a home, and despite him desperately trying to believe that his feelings for his rescuer are platonic, he knows they aren’t.

“Dean I – I cannot – “

“Told you, no reason to thank me.” Dean grins. “You start on Monday. Oh, we should probably go clothes shopping on the weekend.”

“Clothes shopping?”

He’s been wearing Dean’s old clothes; he rather likes them.

“Yeah. Don’t worry, it will be fun. You can model them for me.” Dean wriggles his eyebrows.

Cas smiles at him in a way he hopes doesn’t betray that the thought of modelling for Dean causes several images to pop up in his mind.

And none of them are particularly wholesome for befit the occasion.


	10. Chapter 10

On Saturday afternoon, just like Dean promised, they go shopping.

Cas made a point of avoiding shopping malls in the last few years. Most guards don’t appreciate homeless people hanging around and trying to keep warm; apparently that scares customers away; and so he usually only went near a shop when he had to go trough the dumpster.

Only two short weeks ago, security would have escorted him out forcefully.

Now? Now he’s wearing another pair of Dean’s jeans, a warm shirt, and the food he’s been eating has filled out his frame somewhat. He’s clean, he’s with Dean, and they don’t pay any attention to him.

“You alright?” Dean asks. “We can always come back later, when there aren’t so many people around.”

“I’m fine” he assures him, “It will just take a whole to get used to not having suspicious glances thrown my way.

Dean winces. “Man, I’m so sorry.”

“You weren’t the one judging me” Cas says softly.

“Not, but I still wish – doesn’t matter. So where do you want to go first?”

Cas soon learns that Dean is indeed determined to follow his wishes, no matter if he wants to shop at a high-end boutique or a thrift store. They compromise somewhere in the middle because he figures a school librarian should own some nice clothes.

Dean helps him picking out things, since it soon becomes clear that the sheer number of options is overwhelming Cas. He hasn’t had to choose anything for himself in so long; how is he supposed to do it now?

And how, he begins to despair, is he supposed to work at a school? He has no experience with teenagers, safe for having been one himself what feels a lifetime ago. What was Dean thinking when he decided –

“Hey, try this ion. Then we decide and get a bite to eat” Dean interrupts his thoughts, smiling softly at him.

It’s enough to put him in a better mood, even though Cas knows it shouldn’t be. But there is something about Dean Winchester that just draws him in.

“So” Dean says after their purchases have concluded and they’re sitting down for juice and burgers, “Wanna tell me where you went in the store?”

Cas blinks. “I was looking at .- “

“Not what I meant. What were you thinking of? You suddenly looked so... sad.”

“I was – Dean, I – “ Cas swallows. Dean doesn’t like to be thanked, he’s well aware of that; and so he forces himself to swallow an expression of gratitude as he says, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?”

“All of this.” HE waves his hand in the air. “I have lived at the margin of society for so long, and now I am starting a job. I don’t even know how to talk to people anymore. I needed four days just to figure out how to text on that Smartphone you gave me. I – “

“Cas, that’s all just minor stuff. You’ll figure it out.”

 “But – “

“Cas, believe me. It’s not rocket science. Yeah, kids will come in and ask for books, but you’ll have the librarian Naomi there at all times.”

“Tell me more abnout her” he begs, unsure if he can even deal with a supervisor.

Dean shrugs. “She’s okay. Very focused on her job. As long as you’re polite and quiet, everything should go well.”

Cas relaxes. That doesn’t even sound so bad.

“Cas. Look. I promise if you can’t settle, we’ll find you something else, right? Something you really love to do.”

“Like you do teaching?”

Dean’s face lights up and Cas knows he’s chosen the right topic. “Hell yeah. Should have seen the kids when I showed them the old Fahreinheit 451 movie a few months back. Didn’t think old movies were cool, you see, but I could convince them that at least adaptations paid attention to the books they were based off then...”

And as Cas lets Dean’s voice wash over him while they’re eating, he allows himself to believe that things will in fact be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

On Monday morning, Cas nerves are all a-flutter. He can’t even be said to have held down a single job in his life, considering the part time serving in diners he did during his studies hardly classify as a real job; and now he’s supposed to –

“Calm down, you will be fine” Dean gently says as they step out of the house, Cas warm and comfortable in his new winter jacket. “It’s just books, and you like this, am I right?”

He nods.

“See? Nothing to worry about.”

Not for Dean, not for someone so bright and happy and mesmerizing, Cas is sure.

“If you say so” he says somewhat weakly.

“Hey” Dean tells him, “I’ll look in now and then, alright? And I’ll introduce you to Charlie.”

“The hacker?” he asks, slightly confused as to why he should want to talk to someone who thinks so little of online privacy as she apparently does.

“Yeah. Come on, she meant well, I promise, and she’ll never tell another living soul. You’ll like her. And remember what I told you about Naomi – as long as you treat the books well, you’re good.”

He nods, but still isn’t really comforted. It’s a big step, and he has no idea if he even wants to take it. Living on the streets is far from ideal, but at least no one expects anything from him there. Here? He feels that he will disappoint Dean if he fails, and that is just not acceptable.

So he nods and smiles as Dean introduces him to everyone – Charlie even apologises to him, drawing him away from the others to do so – and does his best to impress Crowley, who only gives him the once-over and then nods, as if he understands something.

As he walks away, he draws Dean in by his elbow and whispers something in his ear.

Dean blushes. Cas swallows. He’s the only one who wants to make him look –

“The less you ask, the better. Not a single one of us gets them, and their relationship” Charlie tells him simply. “Before he came, rumours were Crowley’s a total bastard, but he folded at one look from Dean. Don’t ask me why.”

He doesn’t.

Naomi is just like Dean described her; polite if distant.

“Do you know anything about libraries at all?”

“I spent a lot of time in them when I was a child” he answers. She hums.

“Well, at least you’re not illiterate.”

It’s the best compliment she has to offer, it seems, and he accepts it.

True to his word, Dean pops in now and then between classes, always with a smile and a funny story, telling him he’s doing a good job.

“He’s right, by the way” Naomi says after the third break, “Just in case you need to hear it from someone who is not your boyfriend to believe it.”

He blushes. “Dean is not my boyfriend.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Could have fooled me.”

Cas goes to rearrange the fantasy section, telling himself to be more careful.


	12. Chapter 12

Days pass. Cas gets used to his new job, his colleagues, the teenagers who come in moping because they have yet another assignment to work on.

To Dean.

He knows he probably shouldn’t, he knows it’s a bad idea to get attached, because this can never be permanent, won’t be permanent, and yet he smiles every day he comes into the kitchen and find the coffee’s already been made, Dean preparing breakfast while humming Christmas carols to himself.

It’s the first time since he  - since he left home that he has anyone to get excited over the season with. Not that Dean’s enjoyment of the holidays is excessive by any means. He has decorations up and he loves Christmas music, but that’s about it.

Maybe he thinks everything is more cheerful than it actually is because he hasn’t been living in a house for years. He hasn’t belonged anywhere in so long; of course he had his familiar haunts on the streets, parks where he wouldn’t be harassed by the police, street corners where no one would pay attention to him, but they never felt like home.

This does.

Dean does.

Despite his best efforts, he’s only grown more and more attracted to him as the weeks go on. He’s just... so beautiful, inside and out. He can’t fight it.

He’s sworn to himself that Dean will never find out, however. Dean will never know his heart stars beating father when he sees him, or what his smiles do to Cas.

Dean will never know he is falling in love.

Others are catching on, even though he tries not to let his feelings show.

One day, Charlie comes into the library with coffee in her hands, despite Naomi’s incredulous stare.

“Relax, I’m just getting Cas here for a coffee break.”

She takes his arm and soon they are in the cafeteria.

“So? How is it, living with Dean? Come on, gimme some dirt to use on my handmaiden.”

“Dean is a perfect gentleman” he says firmly.

She wriggles her eyebrows. “Too bad for you, I’d say.”

He blushed and looks away.

“Have you told him?” she asks gently, and Cas shakes his head.

“No. And I never will. Dean deserves so much better than me. I know you know about my family, and... I just couldn’t handle the grief. I preferred to run away and waste my life in the streets to dealing with what was happening:”

“You weren’t the first to freak out because of grief, and you won’t be the last” she says firmly. “And hey, take it from me: When Dean Winchester likes you, it means you’  
re a food person.”

He snorts.

“It’s true. He told me he took you to Benny’s diner. Remember him?”

He nods.

“When he and Dean met, he was... well, a petty criminal. Dean brought him back on the straight and narrow. You should have seen Sam when he first heard of their friendship; he freaked.”

Cas has yet to meet Sam Winchester. If he’s being honest, he dreads it. He can’t imagine a future lawyer will be glad that his brother took in a homeless man.

“Hey, don’t make that face. I’m sure Sam will love you.”

“Are you psychic too, not just a hacker?”

She laughs. “No, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out what you were thinking about. So – you and Dean –“

“There’s no me and Dean, and there never will be.”

“Come on, he likes you too.”

That, Cas knows to be impossible. Someone as wonderful as Dean Winchester would never be interested in him of all people. He could have anyone.

He could have Crowley, that’s for sure. Cas has heard quite enough of their flirting these past few weeks, and as always when he thinks of the principal, he fights a surge of unwarranted jealousy, reminding himself that he doesn’t deserve Dean.

“Cas...” she says. Just like everyone else – except for Naomi, who has been calling him “Mr. Novak”, but then she addresses no one by their first name, not even the students – she has called him by the nickname Dean gave him.

He rather enjoys being Cas, to be honest. It feels like a fresh start after being Cassie and then Castiel, the homeless guy with the strange angel name.

“No, Charlie, this is not up for debate. It’s my life, and my choices.”

She looks like she wants to object, but doesn’t.

Thank God.

Soon after he returns from his break, Dean comes by with a blinding smile and a pastry. He’s spared Naomi’s disapproving stare because he brought something for her, and as always he flirts a little with her.

Cas is starting to think he’s the only one who doesn’t get to flirt with him.

It only drives home the fact that he has no chance.


	13. Chapter 13

It’s one of his bad nights. He hoped they would be gone now that he has a home, however temporarily, but he was wrong, and he can’t sleep.- It feels like he’s suffocating, and he just hears his aunt Naomi’s voice over and over again (he later learned she volunteered to give him the news, the whole family too shocked to do it, apparently, and he could never say if he was grateful to her or not) “Castiel, there has been an accident”, and he knows, knows his brother is gone, but in all these years he has never come to truly understand it, he still expects Jimmy to be only a phone call away, always there when he needs him, and Amelia and Claire –

No. No, he doesn’t want to think about them.

Realizing that he’s not on the streets, but in a house and has access to a kitchen, he gets up to make himself a cup of tea.

He tries to be quiet, and yet –

“Cas? You alright?”

He rubs his eyes. “I am fine, Dean. Sorry for waking you up.”

“No offense, but someone making tea at 4 am is clearly not fine. What’s the matter?”

“I – “

And he tries to articulate that he still can’t understand Jimmy is gone, and that he hasn’t come very far in his quest to forget at all.

Suddenly, Dean pushes him gently into a chair. “I’ll make the tea.”

He wants to protest but can’t.

When Dean nudges his hands with a perfectly prepared cup of tea, he says, “Me and Jimmy... he was the only one who ever got me”.

Dean is silent.

“I don’t get other people. Never have, never will, I can imagine.”

“You’ve been getting along just fine with Charlie and Naomi.”

“I do, but that’s not what I meant. Me and Jimmy... we could communicate with a single glance.”

“I get that” Dean answers, “It’s the same with me and Sammy.”

“I... we were always together. Since our birth. Even when he and Amelia fell in love... it felt like our family was growing, not that I was being forgotten.”

“And then the accident happened” Dean says quietly.

He nods. “I was studying at the time... I wanted to become a doctor, to help people.”

“A noble goal.”

“I couldn’t even help myself” he says contemptuously. Dean gently reaches out and touches his hand.

“Hey, it was an incredibly difficult situation, and you were young. Hell, we still are young.”

He snorts. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

Except in moments like this, when Dean touches him or looks at him and he feels like a teenager again. Despite everything.

“Then I guess we’ll have to work on that” he says lightly. “Wanna watch a movie?”

“What?”

“It’s clear neither of us are going to sleep anytime soon, so we might as well relax.”

He finally nods because Dean is right; they should be doing something, anything except for sitting in the kitchen being miserable.

“Alright then, let’s ho to the living room.”

He doesn’t let go of Cas’ hand as he leads him there, sitting down next to him on the couch. He can’t help bit feel a little better.

“How about Star Wars?”

“Which episode?” he asks, because despite never having seen it, he knows enough to ask that at least.

Dean looks pleased. “Episode four, of course. Don’t even get me started on the prequels.”

He nods.

“Trust me, you’ll enjoy this” Dean tells him as he’s setting it up.

Only when the film starts does he asks, “Do you actually want to do that? I don’t want to pressure you into – “

“No” he says quickly, “I’d rather not be alone.”

He knows that if he is left to himself, he’ll just obsess all the more about things. He’ll remember Jimmy, and Amelia, and Claire, how she cooed when he held her in her arms for the first time, and how he swore to himself he would become the best paediatrician the world had ever seen, just fo0r her.

“Hey” Dean says, “I want you to know that you can always come to me, alright? Whenever you have a bad night, you just come to me. I can deal with a little bit of sleep deprivation.”

“Thank you Dean” he says honestly. He’s never openly talked about his losses, not even with his family before he left.

He has never seen Star Wars before; he remembers his college roommate laughing at him about his lack of pop culture knowledge – and then, once he ran away, there was no one to make him watch them, of course.

He will admit the movie is good, but nothing can beat Dean’s delight at watching it, and Cas slowly relaxes as his – friend? quotes along.

Eventually, his eyes drift closed.


	14. Chapter 14

When Cas wakes up, he’s a little confused. He’s all too easily gotten used to waking up in a nice bed, so why is he still dressed, and why is he so utterly comfortable and warm despite that –

His mattress moves and he stiffens.

He opens his eyes to find himself lying on the couch – and more importantly, on Dean. The TV’s turned off, so Dean must have realized he fell asleep and made them both comfortable. He could so easily have woken him up, and yet he decided –

Cas’ heart starts beating faster. He swallows as he contemplates what he’s supposed to do. He knows he has to get up, to pretend this never happened.

Instead, he falls into a kind of trance, and who can blame him? Dean looks mesmerizing in the morning light, completely relaxed, his face slack and beautiful, and Cas wants to kiss him so badly that it hurts.

The spell is broken by Dean shifting and cracking an eye open. “Morning” he grumbles, apparently undisturbed, and Cas hastens to sit up, stretching and acting like he only woke up.

“Good morning, Dean.”

He chuckles. “Guess we were more tired than we thought?”

“I am very sorry” Cas says. “I didn’t mean to keep you from your bed –“

Dean shrugs. “It’s alright. I know you haven’t had it easy, and I’ve had my share of bad nights myself.”

Cas wants to ask. Wants to know about Dean’s upbringing, the bad years he’s only hinted at, but he isn’t sure he deserves to hear about it, deserves anything like Dean in his life at all.

“I’ll make breakfast” he instead says, “It’s the least I can do.”

“Knock yourself out, but remember: It can happen to everyone.”

But not everyone had someone like Dean to comfort them, he reflects as he walks to the kitchen. Most people wouldn’t have known what to do if they found the strange homeless guy they took into their home freaking out in the middle of the night, but Dean –

Dean.

He swallows. He needs to get these thoughts out of his head. He can’t want Cas, not the way Cas wants him. If anything, he’d take him out of pity, and he doesn’t want that. He  
s already done so much for him.

He decides to make bacon because Dean loves it. Like he said, it’s the least he can do, even though he can never repay him properly anyway.

* * *

Good God. When he decided to turn off the TV and pull Cas down on the couch so they could sleep comfortably, he thoroughly underestimated what it would do to him to see those eyes first thing in the morning, like he’s been secretly dreaming about for a while now. He can’t, of course; any attempt from his side to –

No. It would be completely wrong. Cas would give in out of gratitude, not because he wants Dean, and they would both end up damaged by the experience.

He won’t be that guy. He won’t take advantage.

He takes a shower, deciding that a bit of a distance will do them good.

True, a shower might not be the best place to try not to think of Cas. He forces himself to correct his students’ homework in his head.

* * *

Breakfast is all but done when Dean returns to the kitchen, dressed for the day, his heart still slightly damp from the shower, and Cas yearns to run his hands through it.

“I hope bacon’s okay.”

“I’m American, Cas. Bacon’s always okay.”

He smiles and serves him his breakfast. “Oh, I forgot the coffee...”

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it” Dean says, getting up. He brushes past him, and Cas could swear he can feel the warmth of his body, the body he slept next to all night without even knowing it, and can’t help but wish he woke up when Dean pulled him down, because he would have known, he would have had time to cherish –

“Hey, Cas, you alright? You just kind of stood there blinking at nothing” Dean says, turning around, and he looks away.

“Cas?”

Dean steps up to him. Cas swallows and balls his hands into fists. He can’t. He can’t reach out and take what he wants.

“Cas?” Dean touches his shoulder and his resolve crumbles.

He doesn’t really know he’s about to do it until his lips crash into Dean and he does what he has wished to do for so long now, almost since the moment he woke up and saw those green eyes stare at him with pity and confusion.

Dean responds with enthusiasm, only that Cas can’t even think about it, no, all he can do is feel and kiss and be kissed in return, and he’s pressed against what he thinks is the wall, but –

He realizes what he is doing and wrenches himself away.

“I’m so – Dean I am so –“

He runs away.


	15. Chapter 15

Dean’s still standing in the kitchen, staring at the door Cas ran out of.

So that... happened.

Probably the most amazing kiss in his life, and the guy he shared it with couldn’t even stand to stay in the same room.

He sighs.

He needs help.

He needs Sam.

He knows it’s early, but he still calls him.

“Dean?”

“Hey, Sammy. Sorry for waking you up.” There’s no point in pretending Sam was already up, with how sleepy he sounds.

“No problem. What’s wrong?” Of course he knows. He always does.

Dean takes a deep breath then rushes out, “Cas had a bad night last night, and we watched a movie, and he fell asleep sp I figured I’d just stay there and not make him get up, and then things were weird this morning and then he kissed me and I kissed back but he ran away and now he’s holed up in his room –“

At least Dean hopes he is. Please don’t let Cas go back on the streets because he was stupid enough to kiss back.

“Alright, run that by my again, please. A little more slowly, this time around.”

So he tells him again.

Sam is silent. “Sammy?”

“He kissed you, and then ran away. Did you in anyway... I don’t know, give him the impression you didn’t want it?”

“No. I kissed back, I told you.”

“Just making sure” he says simply. “Dean, I know this might not be but you want to hear, but it sounds like you two need to talk.”

“I know” he sighs. “i just don’t want to spook him anymore than he already is.”

“You won’t. I know you.”

Dean nods even though he can’t see him. “Good, then, I have a kind of librarian to console. Talk to you soon.”

“Yeah, talk to you soon”.

They hang up.

Dean slowly makes his way to Cas’ room. The truth is, he liked the kiss very much indeed, and he wants to see where this is going, but if it makes Cas uncomfortable, he can keep his feelings to himself and help the guy back on his feet.

And watch him walk out of his life again.

He takes a deep breath before he knocks.

No answer.

“Cas?”

Still no answer. “Cas, I am coming in. Hope you’re decent.”

His joke falls flat when he opens the door and finds Cas sitting on his bed, his head buried in his hands.

“Cas...” he says slowly, sitting down next to him, not touching him.

He shakes his head.

“Cas, please...” he starts again.

“I’m so sorry. I should never have done that.”

“Why?” he asks gently.

Cas raises his head and looks at him. Once more, he’s taken aback by how blue his eyes are. “Dean. You have taken me into your home, you found me a job, you clothed me and fed me and... I can’t take advantage of your good heart just because of my attraction to you –“

“Wait a second, you think you were taking advantage?” How did he ever come to that conclusion? If anything, Dean would have thought he was the one – but Cas kissed him not the other way around.

“Cas, if anything, I am the one who –“

“No, look at everything you have given me, and now I’m asking you to – “

“Cas, Cas, stop. Let’s just both – let’s get a few things straight. You kissed me.”

“Yes.”

“Why?” If the answer is because he noticed Dean’s feelings, he can’t take it, can’t take Cas.

“Because I wanted to” he replies quietly.

That’s a start. “And I kissed back. Because I wanted it too.”

Cas turns his head to look at him again. “Dean” he breathes.

Dean takes his hand. “So what do you say? We can forget about this or go slowly and see how it goes.”

Cas looks at their joined hands, then back up again. “You think we can...” he trails off, but there’s something like hope in his eyes.

Dean smiles. “Yeah. I’m not saying it will be easy because... well, it’s true we have enough baggage between us to make any bellboy quit but...” He shrugs. “I think it’s worth it. You have to decide if you agree.”

Cas kisses him again, not as hard as in the kitchen, but gently, softly, lovingly, and Dean responds carefully so he won’t freak out again.

They pull away and press their foreheads together. “So?” Dean murmurs. “We still on the same page.”

“I think so” Cas chuckles.

Dean gently pulls away and sees Cas’ alarm.

“Oh God, we’re going to be late, we have to leave now.”

And amidst the scrambling to change their clothes and getting away, they still find time to trade gentle kisses now and then.


	16. Chapter 16

It’s one thing to do the sensible thing and decide to take things slow, it’s another to actually follow through with it.   
Dean is utterly determined they will, it’s just –

How has he never realized how good Cas looks riding shotgun? He sees this every day, has for weeks now, but for some reason he completely failed to –

He swallows and forces himself to concentrate on the road. Sammy always says he shouldn’t take his eyes off of it, but that’s difficult with someone looking like that next to him. Someone who wants him, too. Someone he has strong feelings for that just look like they might be reciprocated for once…

Think of your students, of the day ahead. Remember how Cas freaked – he’s not ready for this, might never be ready, and you have to brace yourself for that.

He turns his head,. Catches Cas’ eyes and smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring manner.

They arrive at school.

* * *

Cas would never have thought that he’d feel relief at turning his back on Dean Winchester, but part of him does.

Naturally, it’s the part of him that’s still convinced he doesn’t deserve to be happy because he’s a coward who couldn’t even face his own grief.

“Good morning” Naomi greets him when he steps into the library, then frowns. “Are you alright?”

“Yes” he answers truthfully – at least he hopes so.

“You seem different” she announces before turning to the books.

Like Dean told him, she can be a bit weird at times.

He goes to work.

* * *

For Dean, things turn somewhat more adventurous; small wonder considering he’s been here for some time and – Charlie finds him first.

“Hello Dean I –“ and then she grins. “Oh my God, you told him. Or he told you! And just in time for Christmas! Tell me everything! No wait – don’t tell me everything – tell me the stuff I can talk about without feeling gross.”

He rolls his eyes. “Nothing happened Charlie. We talked, and we’re going to give it a try. That is all.”

“That is all! My handmaiden only has a chance of a relationship with a hot guy he actually has feelings for! And I am supposed to shrug and move on! Never!”

“Charlie, could you be a bit more quiet?” he hisses.

“What, Dean and Cas got together? Finally!”

He reels around to point an accusing finger at Garth.

“You have been talking about us!”

He shrugs and gives him a weak smile. “We were just worried about you.”

“Worried? Please, you have been gossiping like old –“

“Hey” Charlie says quickly, lying a hand on his arm, “Dean. We both just want what’s best for you.”

All the fight goes out of him as his shoulders slump. “I know, Charlie. And I really like him, but he’s had it rough, and I don’t want to make it worse –“

“Dean, when he met you, he was homeless and breaking into a car to survive. Now he has a home, a job and friends. You already made life so much better for him, no reason to think that’d stop now.”

He shrugs, as always a little helpless when it comes to acknowledging what he did for others.

Ten minutes of nerdy jokes later to lighten the mood, Charlie watches him go with a sigh. If anyone would sabotage his own happiness just so other people can find theirs, it would be Dean; and she’s starting to suspect that Cas is the same type.

They really have their work cut out for them.

“Hey Garth” she says, “Be nice to Dean today, you hear?”

“Be – I’m not the one who annoys him just for fun” he points out, his voice mild. “I’m rather more worried about Cas; Maybe you could –“

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll make sure these two get the rainbow-coloured happily ever after they deserve after everything they’ve been through” she assures him, turning to walk to the library. It’s a good thing she doesn’t have a class first period.


	17. Chapter 17

Cas doesn’t know whether he and Dean are allowed to talk about their new relationship. Neither he nor his… boyfriend had the idea to make that clear this morning.

And yet it is with relief when Charlie drags him off to coffee and he realizes that she knows, has to know from the gleam in her eyes.

“So, a little birdie told me that your decision never to tell Dean you have feelings for him didn’t work out so well.”

He shrugs. “It just… happened, Charlie.”

She groans. “Oh God, I was right, you’re exactly the same. You won’t give me any details. Either.”

“I don’t think…” he begins softly, and she squeezes his arm.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to pressure you. Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

They’re silent for a moment. Then she says, “Come on, you like Dean, don’t you`?”

He smiles just thinking about the teacher. “Yes. Very much.”

“Well then, he likes you too. Just don’t think about it zoo hard. Let things take their course, and when it becomes too much for you, tell him. He’ll understand.”

Cas nods. He can easily believe that.

* * *

Dean has just finished his third lesson of the day when he encounters Crowley in a corridor.

“Oh my, the rumours are true. Winchester is off the market. I knew I shouldn’t have waited for too long.”

Dean winks. “Aren’t you jealous?”

“Terribly” Crowley chuckles.

Dean’s beginning to wonder if he is wearing a t-shirt that says  _Found a boyfriend please congratulate me_. Certainly everyone and their mother has commented on his good mood, and even the kids seem to be aware that something has changed.

That’s just the thing – has it? He and Cas were living together before they decided to start… whatever this is, and they will continue to be friend whatever happens, he hopes.

But it still feels like something new, something fragile, something Dean wants to hold onto for as long as possible.

It’s scary how quickly Cas has become a form part of his life.

He walks to the library.

“Hey Naomi, can I borrow Cas for a minute?”

“I was under the impression you already had” she deadpans as they both blush and hurry out.

“She guessed it” Cas begins as soon as they are out of ear shot.

“I’m, not surprised. I swear, the woman acts like a watch dog sometimes. She must really like you.”

“But she must also be aware that there is nothing to be worried about” Cas shoots back with a smile and Dean’s heart beats faster when he realizes how much Cas already trusts him.

“I hope so” he mumbles, glancing at him. “Coffee?”

“Gladly.”

They do have coffee together like in the days before, and yet…

Dean wishes he could take his hand, but he won’t risk it in front of the children.

The slight worry he feels when Cas doesn’t look at him for a few minutes, instead silently studying the people passing by dissipates when he murmurs, “I wish I could kiss you.”

They will be alright.


	18. Chapter 18

As they drive home that night, Cas reaches out and takes Dean’s hand in his.

He beams the whole way back to his house.

“So, what do you want for dinner?” he asks after they’ve entered the house and shed their jackets.

Cas shrugs, as usual. Guy’s been used to eating what he can get for years, small wonder he never voices and opinion.

“Pasta okay?”

Cas nods and smiles. Dean all but floats back to the kitchen, whistling to himself. 

He should probably have expected the text from Sam.

**Nice to know you and Cas figured it out, jerk, but next time I’d rather hear from you than Charlie.**

He forgot to call Sammy back.

_Sorry, bro, been busy._

**I don’t want to know.**

_Come on, we’re talking it slow._

**I know that, Dean. I was just teasing you. Just look after yourself, too, alright?**

Sam and his usual “you need to take care of your needs as well” mantra. Dean shakes his head. He already somehow managed to convince Cas to date him; how could he possibly do better than this?

_Just do well at school, you worry-wart. I’ll be fine._

**Yes, Mom.**

He can practically hear the annoyance in the text alone, and he smiles as he goes back to cooking.

* * *

This is… easier than he anticipated. He wanted to hold Dean’s hand in the car, so he did. And Dean liked it, if his smile is anything to go by.

Maybe this can all work out after all.

He’s not quite sure how he is supposed to proceed, however; it’s been so long since he was intimate with anyone in any form, and Dean is so wonderful, so good he only deserves the best, and –

He realizes this is exactly the kind of thinking Charlie warned him against and takes a deep breath.

He has issues. Of course he has issues. But certainly there’s a way to deal?

He should probably look up some breathing exercises…

“Cas?” Dean calls out. “Where are you?”

He shakes his head and walks into the kitchen, smiling when he sees Dean cooking.

“Hey” Dean says, drawing him in with one arm and kissing him softly.

“Hello, Dean” he whispers against his lips.

He chuckles. “I could get used to this.”

“Me too.”

Dean lets go of him, but Cas stays in his personal space nonetheless. He doesn’t seem to mind.

“Say, I’ve been thinking” Dean begins slowly. He’s indeed been thinking about the subject he’s about to broach for a while; but this is all still so new and he doesn’t want to spook Cas.

“Yes, Dean?” he asks and Dean sighs as he tries to formulate his idea in a way that sounds acceptable.

“Have you ever thought about therapy?”

Cas takes a step back. “I’m not crazy.”

“UI never said you were” Dean shoots back. “I am saying this is quite a lot to cope.”

“Did you try therapy after your upbringing?” Cas asks bitterly.

Dean is prepared for that.

“Of course.”


	19. Chapter 19

“You – you did?“ Cas asks softly, eyes wide.

Dean nods. “Let’s just say… my father ruined a huge part of my life when he decided he’d rather get drunk than care for us, most days. I was determined he wouldn’t get screw up more than my childhood.”

Cas swallows.

“Look, I’m just asking you to think about it. As a concept. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Alright, Dean, I will. I promise” Cas says quietly and Dean nods.

It’s more than enough, for now.

They eat while watching Star Wars. Both of them are quiet.

Dean meant it when he said he doesn’t consider Cas crazy. Not at all. He just thinks that there are bound to be some issues, having lived the way he did (Dean should know from his own experience; he’s never been homeless but he has been through some bad times) and then – well, he ran away rather than deal with his grief over his brother and his family, and that’s sure to still be a problem as well, deep down.

At least that’s probably how Pamela, Deans therapist, would explain it. Perhaps, if Cas says yes, he can recommend her to him. She’s still a good friend.

But for now, he watches Star Wars with his new boyfriend and enjoys the moment. 

* * *

When it’s time to go to bed, Cas faces a dilemma. He wants to sleep next to Dean again; but he wants to do nothing but, and he doesn’t know how to ask.

It’s Dean who solves the problem by asking, “Would you like to sleep with me? The PG-rated version, I mean.”

Cas can only smile as an answer.

The last time it happened, he wasn’t aware of it; so that the ritual of going to bed takes on a whole new meaning, with Dean using the bathroom first, then waiting for Cas when he returns to the master bedroom, reading Vonnegut.

“Do you ever read anything else?” he asks, amused.

“Come on, it’s close to Christmas; when else am I supposed to re-read my favourites? Plus I’m sure Sammy will get me something new anyway.”

That’s true, Cas suddenly remembers, Christmas. He hasn’t really thought about it; the newness of living somewhere, plus the fragility of his relationship with Dean, have distracted him from the cheer of the season he enjoyed so much in the beginning.

He hasn’t been paid yet, since he hasn’t been at school for a month; but he’d really like to get Dean something, to show him that he is appreciated and… loved.

He pauses, looking at Dean, who has become lost in his favourite story again.

Does he love Dean? Isn’t it too soon to say he does? He’s certain that some people would say so; but what this mean for them? Does Dean feel the same way? Can he? And how is Cas supposed to ask –

“Cas, you coming to bed?” Dean sounds amused now, but there’s a fondness in his eyes that takes Cas’ breath away.

He carefully climbs into bed and turns on his side. He’s lying close to Dean, even though they’re not touching. “Can you do me a favour?”

“Of course.”

“Would you read to me?” he asks quietly.

“Alright.” Dean doesn’t ask why; he simply begins to read the next chapter out loud.

Closing his eyes, Cas thinks that the story of Unk strangling his best friend shouldn’t be so comforting.

When he’s almost asleep, Dean stops reading.

The last thing he’s aware of is a gentle kiss being pressed to his forehead, and a soft whisper of “Good night, Cas.”


	20. Chapter 20

This time when he wakes up, Cas knows exactly where he is and why he is so comfortable. They have shifted in the night and are lying in each other’s arms once more, Dean holding him firmly in place, almost like a teddy bear.

Cas opens his eyes and studies his… boyfriend still sleeping peacefully. His trance is broken by the blare of the alarm, and Dean groans as he shuts it off, then immediately snuggles back into bed.

“Dean” Cas whispers, “You can’t go back to sleep.”

“Watch me” he mumbles, already dozing off again.

“Dean, you turned off the alarm, we’ll be late for work – “

Another sleepy mumble is all the answer he gets.

“Dean” he whispers in his ear, suddenly remembering an old hobby of his from his college days that always placated his roommate after one of their rare fights, “I’ll bake you a pie tonight if you get up now.”

Dean shoots up fast enough to almost knock him to the side.

“You can bake?”

“Yes” he confirms.

“How did I get so lucky” Dean breathes before drawing him into a kiss that quickly turns passionate.

Cas eventually forces them apart; they are coming rather close to losing their minds altogether, and he doesn’t want their first time to be something either of them has to regret for any reason.

Dean seems to understand. “Quite right” he says, his voice a little shaky; Cas cannot repress a small surge of pride at leaving the teacher so unwound.

“Well then…” he says, clearing his throat. “Work.”

Dean nods. “I’ll take a quick shower.”

Thankfully he leaves the room quickly; the thought of Dean showering does little to curb Cas’ freshly awakened libido.

* * *

They part in the parking lot after a soft, gentle kiss that had Cas more or less floating to the library. Naomi sees him and raises an eyebrow, smiling slightly. “Oh dear, already so far gone…”

Cas blushes and goes to work.

He gets an unexpected visitor around the time the second period starts.

“Hard art work, I see” Crowley drawls behind him.

Cas has already noticed that the principal seems to show up spontaneously wherever he wants to be, and so he turns around with nothing but a slight flinch. “Mr. Crowley.”

“Just Crowley will be enough, I think; we’re practically family now that you’re dating Dean after all.”

Once of these days, Cas will have to ask Dean about his and Crowley’s strange relationship.

“What can I do for you?” he asks, wondering whether Crowley is the type to act like they’re family and then stab him in the back by firing him. Probably.

He holds out a check. “Figured you’d like this a little early so you can get a present for lover boy.”

He blushes fiercely but takes the check. “Thank you.”

Crowley shakes his head. “Don’t thank me, just make Dean happy, alright?”

He’s gone before Cas can answer.

A strange man indeed. But a good friend to Dean.

He looks down at the check, beaming.

His first well-earned money in years.


	21. Chapter 21

Going shopping alone is a daunting prospect, but one he is determined to face. After all, he has a job and a home now, and money, and he can do as he pleases. People can’t look down at him anymore, they can’t throw him out of a store anymore just because he’s looking for warmth.

And so, come Saturday, he explains to Dean that he got his money early and wants to go shopping on his own.

As always, his boyfriend understands.

Cas really doesn’t deserve him.

“Hey” Dean says as they part after their goodbye kiss, “Juts don’t buy anything too expensive, please? I know I can’t get you not to buy anything, but please try.”

“I will” he promises and then he’s walking towards the mall.

He’s rarely been alone since Dean took him in, and now, he starts to remember what it was like, walking around the city when all he had was a ratty backpack and the wish to see another day,.

It’s so different now. People don’t cross the street to avoid him, they don’t flee his gaze; some of them, even smile when they catch his eyes.

It’s almost intoxicating, this new freedom.

His enthusiasm somewhat evaporates when he reaches the mall; there are a lot of people around, and he’s not sure he can bear it for long; but Dean deserves a present, so he soldiers on.

Dean has already forbidden him from getting anything for anyone else, even though he’ll throw a Christmas party like every year. “They know all about you, and they won’t mind.”

So it’s only for Dean, but it’s still difficult because he wants the present he finds to be perfect. There are books, of course; but Dean already owns so many, and it seems so impersonal…

His eyes fell on a small jewellery store. Dean told him not to get anything too expensive, it was true, but who said a small bracelet had to be? Dean liked to wear jewellery in his free time.

Half an hour later, his face flushing and his heart beating fast (the lady at the counter made it quite clear she knows who the present is for) he steals back home.

He hasn’t quite counted on Dean being so insistent on learning what it is, however.

“No, Dean; I won’t spoil your surprise.”

“But Cas” he starts complaining. “I just want to make sure you don’t waste your money on me – “

Cas kisses him. “Money isn’t wasted on you.”

Dean whines and Cas shakes his head.

“Alright then, but fully expect me to complain to everyone at the Christmas party.”

Cas would like to say that he’s not nervous thinking about it.

“Hey” Dean draws him into a hug. “It will all turn out well, they’ll love you.”

“Says you” he replies somewhat weakly.

Dean grins. “Yep. Plus, if you make me any pie like the one you made me…”

It’s hard not to be taken in by Dean’s enthusiasm.

Cas can only hope he’ll be right.


	22. Chapter 22

**Christmas Eve**

It’s one thing to tell himself that he’ll be fine at the Christmas party. It’s a completely different thing for it to actually happen, and so Cas ends up hiding in his room, panicking, about five minutes before the first guests should arrive.

Dean comes to look for him, of course. He always does.

“Cas?”

Thankful that he’s locked the door, he takes a deep breath. “I’m, fine.”

“No you are not and you are lying about it so wanna tell me what’s going on? I can easily call off the whole thing, just tell me.”

Yes. Yes he could do so. But if he does, it will mean Cas let his petty anxiety get in the way of Dean seeing his loved ones and having fun, and actually working on becoming an active member of society again, and he can’t allow that.

He takes a deep breath and opens the door. “I am ready.”

Dean’s eyes travel up and down his body, and he tells himself he’s not blushing. When he bought Dean’s present he also purchased a shirt and some nice slacks, and it seems like they look good on him.

“You look nice” Dean confirms his suspicions.

“So do you.”

It’s not a lie; of course he always does; but he’s dressed himself even more carefully than he usually does, and Cas wants nothing more than to strip –

He quickly tries to dispel the thought lest he inadvertently ruin the Christmas party with… well…

The bell rings. Dean rolls his eyes. “Charlie, I am ready to bet. She’s always the first to come. Do you want –“

“I’ll be down in a minute.”

He uses iot to calm himself down; he knows Charlie; Charlie is perfectly fine; and he has no doubt that all will be well.

Charlie is busy complimenting the Christmas tree when he comes down, and she draws him into a tight hug. “Don’t you look good! And I should know. You were way too thin when you first came to work at the library.”

“Charlie” Dean says softly, but Cas knows she is right; he has put on more weight in the last few weeks than he did in the years preceding.

“I can’t wait until Sam and Sarah and the others get here!” Charlie exclaims.

“No games, Bradbury.”

“It’s Christmas, Winchester, there will be games. And you always let me do them in the end, anyway.”

Later, playing charades, Cas will learn how persuasive Charlie can be – or rather, he’ll see she can be even more so than he thought.

For now, he welcomes Crowley, who strolls in as their second visitor, greeting “misters Squirrel” and “Miss Bradbury” with the same fond annoyance.

“You’re just angry you missed your shot” Dean says.

“Who says I can’t get two for the price of one?” Crowley asks, his eyes sparkling.

Cas decides he better get used to it.

And then comes the introduction he has feared above all others. Sam and his girlfriend Sarah arrive, throwing themselves into Dean’s arms and beaming.

“This is Cas, my boyfriend” Dean – boasts? As he slings an arm around Cas’s shoulders.

He almost looks away but then reminds himself who and what he’s here for.

“Hello” he greets them.

Sam surprises him by hugging him as well. “Dean told me so much about you!”

“Likewise” he manages to say.

Sarah draws him aside. “Never mind these two. They tell each other everything.”

He soon comes to like Sarah a lot.

Other guests arrive – to all of their surprise, Naomi shows up for the first time, and Garth confesses that he almost turned around when he saw her on their doorstep, but only earns a wry grin from the librarian – and as Charlie promised, there are games.

There are games, and there’s laughter, and there are drinks and food, and Cas feels happier than he can ever remember being.

Eventually, around midnight, it becomes a bit too much, and he takes his jacket to escape into Dean’s garden.

It started to snow in the early evening, and there’s quite a bit of it now. Maybe they can build a snowman together tomorrow.

“Cas?” Dean asks after a whole, stepping out of the shadows and taking his hand. “Everything okay?”

“Yes” he says honestly, “Everything is perfect.”

They both know it’s not, of course. Cas knows he’ll eventually give in and go to therapy, that there’s a lot they have to learn about each other, and that the future is uncertain as always.

But for now, it is enough, and he draws the package he kept in his pocket all evening put.

“Merry Christmas, Dean.”

He had had trouble for finding the perfect words to have engraved on the bracelet until he remembered Christina Rossetti.

_The birthday of my life has come, my love has come to me._

“Cas” Dean breathes, voice thick with emotions, “We’re not supposed to get presents until tomorrow.”

“Why? I got mine early this year.”

Dean grins, then draws him close. “Guess I could say the same.”

They kiss, gently yet oh so passionately, as the snow falls around them.


	23. Chapter 23

Cas can’t remember ever having woken up feeling so utterly content. But, lying in Dean’s arms on this 25th of December, all he can do is send a prayer up to the Havens that he’ll get to keep this.

When his boyfriend stirs, he turns around and smiles.

Dean’s eyes flutter open. “Merry Christmas”.

“Merry Christmas” he says again, kissing him.

“Hm” Dean closes his eyes again, snuggling closer to him. “We don’t have to get up yet, right?”

“No children there to wake us” Cas replies.

Dean hums. “I bet they’ll have your eyes” and then he’s out again.

Cas swallows, his heart beating fast against his ribs. Dean was still half-asleep; certainly he didn’t…

But what if he did? What if he already thinks them serious enough to plan for children eventually? It should freak him out; he should be running, or worrying about the future; but instead the thought of rings on their fingers and a house filled with the laughter of children puts a smile to his face.

Eventually, he gets up to cook his boyfriend a Christmas breakfast.

The tree looks even more beautiful than it did last night, but Cas can’t help but notice that there seem to be a few more presents under it than there were last night. Dean must have put them there after he fell asleep, exhausted from but exhilarated by the party.

To his surprise, he realizes that many of them are for him.

On one label, he recognizes Naomi’s handwriting. On another, he’s rather sure it’s Crowley’s elaborate signature.

It’s difficult to breathe, suddenly.

A month ago, he wasn’t sure he’d live to see the day, and now he has friends, he has presents, he has Dean –

He decides that making breakfast is more important than having a breakdown over Christmas presents.

Dean finds him soon enough.

“Making breakfast again? Can I keep you?”

The bracelet Cas gave him sits firmly on his arm.

“Good luck getting rid of me” he says lightly, much more lightly than he would have such a short time ago.

Dean laughs. “Good to hear.”

“I saw the presents” Cas begins, unsure how to proceed.

“Seems like Santa Clause was busy” Dean replies, his eyes sparkling.

“Wonder how he found me, considering I haven’t been lived here that long…”

“it’s Santa, Cas. He knows where everyone in the world lives, it’s his thing.”

Cas shakes his head, smiling.

“That’s a good look on you” Dean says.

“What is`”

“Happiness.”

He’s so unused to the feeling it almost feels foreign to him to admit it to himself.

He’s happy. He’s actually happy.

He kisses his boyfriend, feeling like he’s flying.

“So then” Dean says after breakfast, “Presents. Let’s go.”

It seems that they all decided who would give Cas which present, since it’s all sorts of necessities, from clothes to a month’s worth of toothpaste.

“Knew you wouldn’t want them to spend too much, so…”

“And I thought it was Santa” Cas deadpans. “Now my belief is destroyed.”

“Ah, didn’t mean to do that, sorry” Dena beams, leaning over to kiss him.

With everything that’s going on, Cas has all but forgotten that Sam and Sarah are here. He is reminded of their presence when they come stumbling into the living room still a little drowsy.

“Dean. Should have know the only way you would be up this early was if you could get something out of it”

“Merry Christmas Sammy” he says, drawing back; Cas fights the urge to follow his lips and simply carry on.

Sarah is grinning at them both. “I see you’ve already started.”

“You snooze, you lose. Plus we didn’t touch the ones from you, or for you.”

“Good, and I thought I would have to chastise you.”

“Don’t worry sweetheart” Dean grins and Cas realizes he’s not even a little jealous anymore.

Somehow, he has begun to believe that this is it, that he’ll actually get to keep this. It’s a Christmas miracle.

Sam and Sarah have provided him with even more clothes; he can probably fill a wardrobe now.

A wardrobe, full of clothes. He can’t just take everything he owns into his hands anymore and leave.

He has a home.

His eyes get wet and he turns away so the others won’t see, but of course Dean knows.

He touches his hand and smiles at him. “Hey. Take some time if you need it, alright?”

“I love you” he breathes. Dean smiles freezes as Cas starts to panic. Is it too soon? Certainly, isn’t it?

Then, Dean quietly says, “I love you too.”

Cas can only stare at him, speechless.

Only later will he realize that Sam and Sarah have quietly gotten up to leave them alone.

For now, he reaches out to kiss his boyfriend again.

_Merry Christmas._


	24. Chapter 24

**Five years from now, Christmas morning**

Cas smiles as he slips out of his boyfriend’s arms. Now that Sam and Sarah have moved into their city to be close to them, they decided to throw their Christmas party on Christmas Day instead of Christmas Eve – and almost all their friends agreed enthusiastically.

He stiffens the urge to whistle as he walks into the kitchen.

It has been a good year.

If he’s being honest with himself, it has been a good five years, although of course he struggled, in the beginning.

It wasn’t easy to admit to himself that he needed therapy, and going through with it was even harder; but he had Dean at his side, and Pamela did everything she could, and these days, he only now and then makes an appointment when things get rough.

He’s long since learned to cook, but Dean will still insist on preparing most of today’s meal, as he well knows.

It’s fine by him. It gives him enough time to prepare his own surprise.

He can’t just hide the ring in the pie. Dean would probably accidentally eat it, and whole Charlie would undoubtedly find the whole thing incredibly funny, he’d rather have him say yes while not choking on anything.

It’s taken him a while, to decide to propose, until he realized that Dean once again wouldn’t take the step until he’s certain Cas is comfortable with the idea of marriage.

He doesn’t deserve him. He never has. That doesn’t stop him from loving him, however, or from wanting this for the rest of his life, and as Charlie once told him, he shouldn’t be afraid of taking things that are too good for him.

So pecan pie it is, but what will he do with the ring? He still hasn’t decided.

A ring on their door. Cas frowns; certainly no one else is up that early on Christmas Day – except for excited children?

When he opens the door, there’s nothing but a small box on their doorstep. When he opens it, a rather large Christmas tree ornament emerges, along a small note.

Turn the bottom. It opens. Thank me when Squirrel has said yes. xx C.

He and Crowley have become rather good friends over the years, Cas is ready to admit that; and he’ll certainly be thankful for a long time for this.

The ring hidden in the ornament, the ornament hung amongst the many others on their Christmas tree, he starts to bake.

Dean comes downstairs about half an hour later, wrapping his arms around him from behind and kissing his neck. “Merry Christmas, Cas.”

“Merry Christmas” he answers, turning to kiss him.

Dean beams. “You’re making me pecan pie?”

“Of course.”

“No of course about it” he mumbles, “Still wanna know how I managed to snag you.”

“You found me in your car and took me in like a stray cat” he reminds him, but Dean just shakes his head and laughs. He still looks as beautiful as he did that morning when Cas woke up and saw an angel standing in front of him.

He kisses him again because he has no other choice.

* * *

That night, their party is in full swing, and he’s handing Crowley another glass of Craig.

“Thanks, Feathers. Any chance you’ll have your big proposal soon? I can’t wait to see how Squirrel reacts” he asks under his breath.

Cas swallows and nods.

“Come off it, you can’t rally think there’s a chance in hell he’ll say no.”

“I – no” he forces out.

Crowley nods and moves to the side.

Dean comes to his rescue, as always. “Man you look spooked. What has Crowley been telling you?”

“Nothing” he says firmly. “It’s just… there’s a surprise hidden in the tree. In the ornament. Do you want to find it?”

Dean grins.

Ten minutes later, he’s busy looking, all of their guests egging him on; Cas has caught more than one suspicious glance, confirming their friends are only too aware of what is going on.

Finally, Dean emerges victorious, grinning. “So let’s see what this baby hides –“

He stops talking when he screws it open and the ring falls out. He picks it up.

“Cas…” he says slowly.

He steps up to him. He can do this.

“Dena Winchester, give years ago, I had no hope of ever becoming happy. I was living on the streets, expecting each day to be my last. You changed all of that. You made me the man I am today. I wish to spend the rest of my life with you. Dean, will you marry me?”

Dean stares at him then at the ring in his hands,.

Then, shouting “Hell yeah” he drags him into a kiss as their friends burst into cheers around them.

Cas has never felt more loved.  


	25. Chapter 25

**Ten years from now**

Again Cas is the first one up. It’s good he’s stayed an early riser; their children (at least the one that can already walk) will soon be up, eager to tear into their presents. And so will their cousins – meaning they won’t have to wait long for Sam and his family to join them, thankfully.

As always before a long day (even though he knows it will be filled with laughter and happiness) Cas takes the time to watch his husband sleep. Dean looks as beautiful as ever, completely at peace. He doesn’t have the heart to wake him; they prepared everything last night anyway after they finally succeeded in getting Emma in bed.

He kisses him gently, careful not to wake him, and gets out of bed.

Their Christmas party last night was a success, as always; he’s starting to fear the children will grow up rather spoiled, with the way their friends insist on bringing them presents.

Especially Crowley; God knows where he gets his money from, but there has to be a lot of it, Cas and Dean are sure about that.

He lets his eyes wander around their decorated living room. It’s getting more and festive every year; Dean uses the children as an excuse, but Cas knows he’s just as enamoured with the season as Emma and Robbie.

He’s making coffee when the sound of their baby crying reaches his ears; he’s about to handle it when he hears Dean’s footsteps and soon enough, he emerges with Robbie, who’s watching him in the same mesmerized way Cas does.

“There you are. Merry Christmas, sunshine.”

He kisses him and Robbie squeals. “Young man, you are way too young for that – about thirty years, I’d say.”

Cas chuckles, stroking his son’s hair as he kisses Dean. “Merry Christmas you two. Have you heard from Emma yet?”

Dean shakes his head. “She did stay up rather later.”

“Then let’s enjoy the quiet.”

Robbie makes a complaining noise.

“Alright” Cas smiles. “Maybe not completely quiet.”

“I’ll go make the little man’s bottle.”

“I’ll bring you coffee.”

“Knew there was a reason I married you” he sighs, then turns around to feed Robbie.

There is something very attractive about his husband looking after their kids. Cas can’t help but grin as he goes back to the coffee.

A little later that morning, Robbie is happily employed in his play-pen, and they are relaxing on the couch.

Not for long, though.

“Daddy! Papa!”

Soon enough, Emma, still in her pyjamas, came bolting down. “Did Santa come?”

“Of course” Dean says, scooping her up, “But we have to wait for the others, remember?”

Her lips tremble for a moment before her better nature comes through – she’s Dean’s daughter, through and through – and smiles. “Of course Daddy.”

So what do you say if we go put on your new Christmas dress?”

“And you need to wear the antlers, Daddy! And Papa the Santa head!”

As Dean walks up the stairs with her in his arms, grumbling about how of course he got the antlers, Cas checks up on Robbie.

He can’t even contradict his husband. Of course he got the hat. Gabriel would never lose an opportunity for a joke.

Cas decided before their wedding that he wanted to try and get in touch with his family again.

The reception he got was almost overwhelming. Balthazar cried.

Granted, Dean was a little shocked just how big a family he turned out to have, but it all turned out well, in the end.

“Papa! Your hat!”

Dean is already wearing the antlers, looking grumpy.

The bell rings.

“Uncle Crowley!” Emma calls out, probably because their boss is usually the first to show up for another cup of coffee before “madness” as he called it.

Of course it’s him.

And he’s wearing an ugly Christmas sweater.

Dean raises an eyebrow. “May I ask –“

“Blame her” Crowley grumbles, picking Emma up, “She wouldn’t shut up yesterday about everyone dressing up –“

Dean hides a smile and Cas has to bite back his laughter. Crowley is far nicer than he likes to let on, he’s learned that.

Soon enough, the others arrive and their house fills with laughter and smiling faces, even though Crowley tries his best to be annoyed.

Cas and Dean steal a quiet moment to themselves.

“The usual bustle” Dean says, drawing him close, “Guess we – “

“Did I ever thank you?” he breathes.

“Thank me? What for?”

“For all of this.”

Taking him in. Marry him. Their children. Their friends. Their family.

“You thank me all the time, Cas. Telling you, there is no reason to”.

Dean cradles his face in his hands. “Not with everything you’ve given me.”

“Merry Christmas, my love” Cas tells him before kissing his saviour.

His husband.

The love of his life.


End file.
